When we decided to go full timing in an RV, I expected to be closer as a family, I expected to get to know Jesus better, I expected less housework and more time: time for knitting, reading, and taking a family herbalist course. I expected to be immersed in the beauty of nature and have my breath taken away by the artistry of God. I expected to have more time to cook and play with Kylee. My expectations have seen their fulfillment.
What I DID NOT expect was to learn so much about myself…not all good I might add. I didn’t foresee having the time to contemplate deeper things, like what happens to all of the trash my family contributes to landfills, what is “healthy living”, and what is “church” really supposed to look like?
Many positive changes have come about from these contemplations, from recycling, to natural/organic household products and remedies to more local, fresh and whole foods. I’m practically a hippie in the making! I would not have considered that a compliment several years ago, but this is a new day. A day in which I no longer view people with a broad, stereotypical blanket, but as individuals. Choosing to focus on what we have in common instead of what we don’t. This alone has renewed my faith in people; freeing me to see the beauty and richness in each life instead of judging them by our differences and my opinions. Freeing me to see the good heart God created in each of them.
My own good heart is what I’m now embracing; to see my heart healed. I’ve been free from religion’s rules and traditions for a few years now and physically free for 7 months as we roam this beautiful land. Months which have provided time for Jesus to reveal my inner brokenness and need for healing and emotional freedom. This will be the most challenging, frightening, and rewarding experience of this journey thus far. Facing ones childhood traumas is daunting. It’s challenging to tear down the walls I’ve so diligently built around my heart and allow it to be vulnerable, frightening to be willing to endure the pain that will surely come as I purposely expose each layer of brokenness and to trust Jesus Christ to step in and heal each wound revealed as well as the ones that will surely come. Luckily for me, I witness the emotional freedom I seek in my beautiful girl: unbridled, full of life, and completely unafraid, secure in the knowledge that she is loved unconditionally, secure in her ability to make us smile and adore her, secure in who she is.
And so, with a trust that Jesus will meet me in every dark corner of my heart, propelled by the curiosity of what an unbridled me will look like, and with the love, strength and support of my husband, I set out on the path to emotional freedom.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Gray day, Go away
Yesterday was a gray, dreary day; it matched my mood. The weather always effects my attitude; I NEED sunshine. Since there wasn’t any, maybe some wildlife would lift my spirit. Get out the boats! We were fighting against time as night would be approaching in a couple of hours, and Kyle's hooking up unnecessary motors. It was adding to my grumpiness as my hope of tranquility slipped away. Just as he was finishing, Kylee fell in the water and needed to get into dry clothes. More time lost, and with it, my excitement to get out on the water. GRRR!
Our trip started off uneventful, with me grumbling at not seeing anything but cormorants - a common sight in Florida. Kyle was making faces at me trying to get me to smile (love that man), when he spotted something that would surely do the trick. A dolphin up on the horizon…or shark? Two more fins appeared. Definitely dolphins, sharks don’t travel in groups. Can I just admit, I have cursed those hillbilly, redneck motors from day one, but I was more then thankful for them as we sped toward the dolphins.
A few minutes later we were surrounded. As I sat in awe watching dolphins surface and blow air, throw their fish (yes, playing with their food), and flicking their tails, sunshine entered my heart. There was still none in the sky, but I was light and joyous. Thrilled, giddy even, we followed those dolphins all over the water. Being silly, laughing at each other and thoroughly enjoying our unexpected blessing; we were more then thankful to God. I mean, how many people get to kayak with a pod of dolphins!? And to think, I was lamenting only having a couple of hours to soak in the beauty that would brighten my day. It’s as if Jesus said, I only need a little time. He always knows just how to brighten my day; yesterday He used dolphins.
Our trip started off uneventful, with me grumbling at not seeing anything but cormorants - a common sight in Florida. Kyle was making faces at me trying to get me to smile (love that man), when he spotted something that would surely do the trick. A dolphin up on the horizon…or shark? Two more fins appeared. Definitely dolphins, sharks don’t travel in groups. Can I just admit, I have cursed those hillbilly, redneck motors from day one, but I was more then thankful for them as we sped toward the dolphins.
A few minutes later we were surrounded. As I sat in awe watching dolphins surface and blow air, throw their fish (yes, playing with their food), and flicking their tails, sunshine entered my heart. There was still none in the sky, but I was light and joyous. Thrilled, giddy even, we followed those dolphins all over the water. Being silly, laughing at each other and thoroughly enjoying our unexpected blessing; we were more then thankful to God. I mean, how many people get to kayak with a pod of dolphins!? And to think, I was lamenting only having a couple of hours to soak in the beauty that would brighten my day. It’s as if Jesus said, I only need a little time. He always knows just how to brighten my day; yesterday He used dolphins.
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